You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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