i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
