just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
