My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
