In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
