being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How naked do you want me to be?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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