Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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