Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
