Soap is not a condiment
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
