I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
