I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
