His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
