my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
