also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
