i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
