New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
