I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize