HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
