How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
