I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
