i just sent this text using only my big toe
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
