dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
