walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
