winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
