I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
