She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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