She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
