too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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