Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
