Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
