I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There are leaves in my underwear?
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