mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he shaved USA in his pubs
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize