I got chris browned last night
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
