Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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