We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
