Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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