I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
