Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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