Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
