I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wish there were birth control emojis
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
