I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
