Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I love having hate sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize