I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You're like the curious george of whores
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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