I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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