So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
