Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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