i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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