I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
