if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
