I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize