you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
