you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
