I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
