There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
