Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
