You're a womanizer and a bitch.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
