i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
