I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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