I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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