he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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