How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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