APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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