Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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