Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
