don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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