He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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