Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
