foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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