I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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