Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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