I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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