so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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