It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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