When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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